Thoughts Inventory

I got this from Teresa McFayden's blog and thought I would do it as well.


I AM: a mother first and foremost. I'm happy about that don't get me wrong, but somedays I feel that's all I am. I think I need some outlets. I'm finding it hard to make friends here, in this new, old, place. Not that I have to have friends to be validated as a person, but still...I'd like to have some type of a friendship with someone.

I WANT: My children to be happy and healthy and safe. I want them to love life and be optimistic even though their mother (and father) don't always seem to be.

I HATE: Rude people.

I MISS: Living in Oklahoma. Even though I'm not a natural "Okie", I feel like it's home. I feel like I could spend the rest of my life there, happy and content. The people are so nice and friendly. The cost of living is affordable. I want my own home again...a nice, spacious, decorated home with lots of land. I love the stores and the restaurants there. I love Bricktown. I love the courage and comradarie of those folks who have been through so much, but yet rise above the challenges and prosper on. Not just the devastating tornadoes, but the bombing as well. I miss being close (5 hours) to our parents. Allowing them to enjoy time with their only grandchildren. Seeing my cousins, my old friends, my old hometown. I miss my church. What an amazing group of people on fire for the Lord. What a great pastor we had...he'd been through so much with losing his sweet wife, yet always stayed strong and was the minister/leader/encourager that so many others desperately needed. I miss my geniune, 'no strings attached' friendships. I miss my wonderful job there. I miss those kids. I miss my kid's friends and their relationships. I miss my scrapbooking group...wonderful ladies that taught me so much...and I'm not talking about scrapbooking. I miss the horendous, hot summers believe it or not!

I FEAR: My children getting hurt or something bad happening to them. I also fear snakes that's beyond normal. It's crazy.

I HEAR: my boys laughter and singing and playing and then I think, how could anything be any better.

I WONDER: Where we'll be when Nathan retires in 10 years. What our jobs will be. What our kids will be doing. What it's like not being in the military.

I REGRET: Not talking to my dad more. Telling him how I really felt. Making hard, final decisions when it came to our family.

I AM NOT: Always sad or depressed. Just certain days catch me off guard. I'm generally a fun, happy, joyful person.

I DANCE: with my kids all the time!

I SING: This is crazy, but I can't remember the last time I sang. I used to sing all the time, to myself, with my kids, in the car, and even at church in front of lots of people. I think I'll go sing with my kids today.

I CRY: more than usual lately. I'm sensitive and and tender-hearted. Even certain commercials and pictures and news makes me cry. I cry when the National Anthem is played...sometimes I try to be gone or doing something loud at 4:30 when it plays here just so I won't cry! LOL! I cry thinking about war and the soldiers over there and their families back here...even my neighbor two doors down. That's how close it is.

I AM NOT ALWAYS: the easiest person to live with. I'm anal and I'm over-protective. I'm compulsive about certain things...little things that I need to let go of. In the whole scheme of things, is it really that big of a deal to have an empty sink and socks in the hamper? Or the train tracks in the correct bins?

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: a wonderful way to preserve our family memories.

I WRITE: on this blog, emails, and in my scrapbooks.

I CONFUSE: probably alot of people!

I NEED: to find outside activities that don't require money. I need to get a new bike seat. I need to run some errands, but I'm officially making today a fun day with the kids...well after George Shrinks goes off!

I SHOULD: Call my grandfather. Call my cousin with a sweet new baby. Return the call to my aunt who called me last week.

I START: something and it drives me crazy if I can't finish it right then.

I FINISH: I finish the day dead tired. It's really sad when I even fall asleep while saying my nightime prayers! And now I'm finished with this because George Shrinks is over! :)