Transitions are hard

I'm thinking about going back to work...full time. I haven't even started this part-time job, but I keep thinking it's time for something more. I have a couple of great leads that I'm going to look into this week.

I don't know though...I keep thinking I should hang on until Seth starts school next fall. Nathan is supportive either way, but leans more to me just doing the part-time job for now or not even doing that (he always has been and I love him for that). He's so sweet...telling me I have a real job...that I'm contributing more than I could know...that I'm raising my kids and making a home. He likes the way it is now and it's what he knows...his mom was a sahm until he was graduated high school.

One major thing...It's going to be hard finding child care...full-time for Seth, after (or perhaps even before) school for Jonathan. I'm just rambling, but I don't think I'm contributing like I should. I mean, we're doing ok, but we could be better off financially...Nathan needs/wants a new vehicle. We should be putting more into savings/college and retirement accounts.

I don't know...I feel so torn. I'm praying that God will give me a sign on where I should be. I know I can't continue the way it is now...I'm admitting this....I go shopping WAY TOO MUCH to contain my boredom. Like, my biggest decision on any given day is whether to go to Wal-Mart or Target. :( And that's sad.

I'm seriously going to start a budget and stick to it...praying that I do. I have to. I'm giving myself an allowance and once it's gone, it's gone. I promise to update here and let everyone know how I do...in two weeks. Every payday. I'm putting this all out here so it will make me more accountable...hopefully.