Today's Blog Challenge

Think about a time in your life where you experienced real fear. Not just scared for a moment and then you were ok. I'm talking about fear that was significant and lasted beyond a few seconds. Share your experience and how you reacted in your blog or on this post. Elaborate as much or as little as you wish.


Back in the spring of 1997, I had my annual check-up with a breast exam. My doctor immediately noticed a lump in my right breast. She insisted that I not worry (yeah right!) and because of my age 24, that more than likely, it wasn't malignant. I remember leaving that place so scared!

Two years earlier, my grandmother had been diagnosed with breast cancer. Several years before, my other grandmother died from cancer. I could only think the worse. But what did I do? I tried to forget about it...ignore it. Then in early fall of that same year, my MIL called to tell me that my former pastor's wife had just been diagnosed with the last stages of breast cancer. She was young, vibrant, and so full of life. Of course hearing this made me think, "Could this be me?". I'd always heard that early detection means early cure. So I faced my biggest fear and got a referral to a surgeon. Luckily, we were living in the Boston area at that time. Boston is known for it's many specialized doctors and healthcare facilities. I got an appointment to see a highly recommended surgeon oncologist named Dr. Hughes at Lahey Hitchcock Clinic. Amazingly, I got in right away. Dr. Hughes and his staff were wonderful. They all made me feel somewhat more at ease because they could certainly tell I was scared. At my appointment, the doctor informed me that he'd need to biopsy the lump, which was a significant size. He recommended a full lumpectomy and scheduled surgery in three weeks. Not knowing what to expect, I became even more fearful and of course, thinking the worst.

I remember Nathan and I going to a NE Patriots/Washington Redskins game at Foxboro and I couldn't even enjoy it. I remember taking a weekend vacation in northern NH to see the beautiful foliage and stay in a wonderful ski lodge, but I couldn't enjoy it. I had too much on my mind. Poor Nathan dealing with all this...trying to keep my mind off things and planning activities that were fun while deep down he had his fears as well. I remember working and not being able to concentrate on simple tasks and deadlines. I remember thinking about all the 'what-ifs'. We didn't have kids yet obviously. I hadn't finished school. I was living 2,000 miles away from my family and dear friends. In that time, I can definitely say that Nathan and I grew closer than ever. I learned that we were all each other had. He certainly rose to the challenge and showed me what true love is all about.

Well surgery day came. Nathan took the day off and drove me to the north shore hospital. I went into surgery of course a ball of nerves. I remember being sedated, but not completely...I guess local anesthesia. I can remember Dr. Hughes telling me what he was doing every step of the way, but the words he spoke that stuck out in my boggy mind was, "Jen, it's ok. It's a benign lump...fibroadenoma.". When I woke up completely, he was right there reiterating the diagnosis. I was so relieved obviously.

This experience taught me a major lesson. Never take anything for granted. Make monthly breast exams, no matter what age, a priority. Never put anything off. Of course several years later, I got another lump, but having been through this experience and gaining much knowledge, I wasn't as fearful. I know repeat occurances are common. This last lump actually dissappeared and nothing could be detected through ultrasound. I'm still fearful of cancer, breast cancer in general, but with maturity and life experiences, I don't have to be as fearful as I was back in 1997.